Monday, June 16, 2014

last moments (and makings, and some other things too…)

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Our first day in this house (I mean that house!) seven years ago was on Chessa's birthday, we crossed the state line back into Colorado the day she turned 3 years old. And now she is ten, and her birthday celebration also marked the last days of our being in that house.

Hey, ha, we could pretend I actually got around to doing a "feeding our families" post this month. And I was going to write all about birthday cake. (No, not really.) It was a very good birthday cake, lemon with strawberry layers and lots of whipped cream.

Somehow I thought it was a good idea, in the midst of packing, cleaning, and moving, to make Chessa a doll for her birthday. There was an old doll at the antique shop that she had been quite in love with for some time. I did contemplate getting it for her if it was still there, but getting myself secretly to the antique shop would have been much more challenging than secretly stitching on this doll in the wee early morning hours.

Also, and I know this sounds kinda weird, but I had this doll head stashed away from a few years ago, and I just knew that Chessa was the one meant to love whoever this doll (head) was meant to be.

So with bald doll head already done, I started working on my first ever jointed limb doll, which was also my first ever boy doll. I don't know why I was always so intimidated with making boy dolls, especially with a simple crochet cap for his hair, it was fairly easy and fun.

I wasn't up for making a set of doll clothes though (I mean, I would have liked to, but with the whole moving out of the house thing going on, well I was trying to pretend that I wasn't really all that crazy with my last-minute doll making…) So we had Aunt Nicole get "boughten" doll clothes instead, which does have the slightly strange effect of making him look like a boughten doll, but no, he is not, he is a handmade by mama doll. His name is Billy, he is already smudged and a bit worn and very, very loved.

~~~~~

Moving was hard. That could probably go without saying, as it is never an easy thing to do. But gosh, could we have added more ways to complicate it? Let's add in a bit of remodeling, new bedroom floors, lots of painting. Oh, and becoming landlords for the first time, showing the house, trying to find ourselves some good tenants - that was all super not fun, but fortunately worked out well in the end.

Jason, amazing husband of mine, worked so, so hard, and did just about every single thing by himself. I recall helping move out my super heavy bulky antique sewing (secretary) desk, but other than that he was the mover. I guess he got all the other big heavy antique furniture pieces out on his own, including the second desk. I do wonder how he moved the chest freezer by himself. Hmm. I was the packer. And I kind of drove Jason crazy with my method, but wow, you would not believe how well organized and labeled those boxes and dresser drawers are. (I will explain later why it was important to have well organized and packed dresser drawers.)

Now we are gone from there, that house. And being gone makes me even more aware of how much trauma we suffered there. Seriously. I know I said I was going to mention it only once, but it is going to take a while to get over it. To heal. We were under attack, for so many years. You know what it was? It was bullying. Ugly, pathetic, bullying by ugly, miserable people. (Don't worry, we feel that the house tenants will be safe from these people.)

Something else that really disturbs me is that when I came out and mentioned the situation we had been dealing with here, so many other people left comments and sent emails that they too are in or have been in similar situations. Lots of bullies out there! Why??? Are those of us who choose to live in a way different than the norm so threatening to others that we must be attacked and made to suffer for our choices? We don't go around criticizing them for their (over-consuming, toxic, ignorant living) ways. But I guess all of us happy people living an authentic meaningful life are just to much for these other people to take.

Oh well.

Time to move on.

~~~~~

We are so, so, so ready to be settling in at the land. But we are actually not quite there yet. We had been asked to house-sit for friends traveling in Europe and so that is where we have been since the beginning of the month. We are glad to be here at our friends home, it is a happy peaceful place, filled with musical instruments, including a piano! which the girls love to play, good books, including Steiner, Waldorf, and homeschool books!, and set in what certainly must be one of the most beautiful spots in the world (we stayed here for them last summer also, you can see here what it looks like right outside their door, although those photos don't show any of the majestic peaks of the continental divide that are surrounding us.) It is kind of funny for us to be house-sitters, and staying in a home other than ours. Us who haven't even been away from home but maybe once in the past decade. It is a nice place to be though, and we enjoy helping care for their gardens and animals, which this year also includes chickens.

It has kept us from doing that settling over at the land though. These kind friends are now closer neighbors, but still it at least a 20 minute drive over to the land. (Perhaps I should start calling it "our home" rather than "the land".) We have been spent some good days there working on the gardens, as that is of course our priority at the moment, and we are looking forward to being there permanently in another week or so.

Maybe I will come here and write/post lots over this next week while I have such convenient internet access. Although that was kind of my plan for our first weeks here and obviously that didn't happen.

Sometimes life does not go as planned. I bet you all already know that.

But life does go on, perhaps the plan is not entirely ours to make, but we can always make the best of it.

I hope you all have been having some good and beauty filled days!

With love,
Renee


P.S. Oh wait! I forgot to say… well there you see my darling newly 10 year old, and no, you sure do not get even a peek of the nearly 14!!! year old… but look at sweet little baby playing with the dollies! And she was doing the softly murmuring to herself thing as she played, and my heart was thrilled!

P.P.S. Yes, she toddles, she walks and she runs, but still she is our "baby".

(Okay, beyond P.S.'s now. I didn't get this posted last week as I had planned. I find it interesting that my last post included our dear wonderful Cairo dog. And now she is not with us anymore. Many sad hearts. But she was almost 18 years and the sweetest and happiest thing to her very last moments. Our Cairo love…)


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12 comments:

sk said...

What a beautiful, wonderful birthday celebration! Simple and happy, my favorite.
I love your blog and the peek into your authentic life. Thank you for sharing. And I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with bullies. Yes, they are just jealous of your happiness. No other explanation.
Take care!

Zena said...

What a lovely handmade doll and gorgeous little clothes and a delicious cake. I am also terribly sorry you had to deal with such people. Often these people are ignorant and fearful of different. Unfortunately the only thing you can do with these people is to stay away from them. Difficult in your situation but not any more. Peace and freedom finally!

impossibleway said...

The doll looks just lovely! I thought it was one that had been professionally made. I wish you the best as you wait to transition to your new home. The place you are housesitting sure looks lovely.

Mama Ash Grove said...

My dear Renee,
My heart is sad for you all and for Cairo.
And are you kidding me? My baby is turning four next month. And I stubbornly and resolutely say, he is still my BABY. He tells me that he is not a baby, but allows that he is however, "mama's baby."
Oh, the doll is wonderful. A boy doll! I remember when Shea wanted a boy doll! She named him Henry Sprout. And of course, I have made boy dolls since because of my many boys. One, with long hair. :)
Your girl is even more wonderful- look at how long and lean and beautiful she is! She is looking like her mama! Ten years old- I remember so clearly you saying "we have a seven year old in our house again!" on her birthday 3 years ago.
I am so so happy for you to be moving into such a wonderful situation for you and your beautiful family. And no, you are not alone. Some of us even have family who disown us because we choose to do things differently.
:(
Love to you. I want to try and call you tomorrow. If I don't, it may be because it's too noisy around here. I may try anyhow.
HUGS

Mama Ash Grove said...

My dear Renee,
My heart is sad for you all and for Cairo.
And are you kidding me? My baby is turning four next month. And I stubbornly and resolutely say, he is still my BABY. He tells me that he is not a baby, but allows that he is however, "mama's baby."
Oh, the doll is wonderful. A boy doll! I remember when Shea wanted a boy doll! She named him Henry Sprout. And of course, I have made boy dolls since because of my many boys. One, with long hair. :)
Your girl is even more wonderful- look at how long and lean and beautiful she is! She is looking like her mama! Ten years old- I remember so clearly you saying "we have a seven year old in our house again!" on her birthday 3 years ago.
I am so so happy for you to be moving into such a wonderful situation for you and your beautiful family. And no, you are not alone. Some of us even have family who disown us because we choose to do things differently.
:(
Love to you. I want to try and call you tomorrow. If I don't, it may be because it's too noisy around here. I may try anyhow.
HUGS

Heather said...

There is so much to say. First, congratulations on your move. It makes my heart happy to know that you will be out of such a toxic environment, and hopefully peace will fill your home. I am so sorry about the loss of Cairo. Losing our last dog 3 years is still painful, pets are such a joy.
Happy Birthday to your sweet girl. The doll is gorgeous, and what a treasure for her to have always.

Amélie said...

dear Renée,
whenever I find a new post of yours here, it brightens my day. How much I'd love to be your neighbour! And how sad it is that some people did not enjoy that chance, and how despicable it is to bully those who are different.
I hope you'll enjoy living at your new place, in your land.
Thank you so much for your kind words on my last post. As a matter of fact, it was you I was thinking of when I posted the images of Elsa with that nice dress. I knew you would like it (it does not come from my childhood -though it could have -,it was made by a woman who had a wonderful shop in Paris but has just retired now). I've just bought some fabrics to sew myself more of that design which I like very much).
Your handmade doll is very charming. A very sweet present for a beautiful no-so-little one anymore. Happy birthday to her! Your cake look delicious (maybe you will share its recipe in a forthcoming 'feeding our families"?)
Much love, from
Amélie

revisedvision said...

Renee, I really love your space. I am very sorry for the trauma (and it definitely sounds like it was true trauma) of dealing with bullying neighbors for so many years. I have been reading lots about trauma...at first when you are healing from it anger is normal, and eventually other healing will take place. I am just glad that you are able to move on. Blessings to you.

Jeanene Tremoulet said...

Hello mama, a new house, you must be so happy. Look how beautiful all your girls are. My little Chloe drives trucks and plays with dolls very little. That's what happens when the boys run the house :))) Little cherub is walking everywhere no doubt and so many kisses from her big sisters.
OH my, an amazing little doll, she's gorgeous perfect for such a beautiful birthday girl.
Would love to see some photos of the horses!!!
Please send me some of the house and the garden to my email.
Sending you much love and kisses.
ps. moved my blog to www.earth-boys.blogspot.com

Kimberlie Ott said...

You are a gentle soul and it is their loss to have not realized that in their ignorance. Shine on!

Emily said...

Your daughter is beautiful...happy, happy birthday to her! Thanks so much for sharing her special day and your lovely lives with us. I am so saddened to hear that you have been bullied by others...such a sad world we do live in. :( I do hope you enjoy your new surroundings.

Angela Davis said...

Dear Renee, so many changes for you! So much unsettling and resettling and grieving. Hope you and your family are well these days. Love to you.