last moments (and makings, and some other things too…)

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Our first day in this house (I mean that house!) seven years ago was on Chessa's birthday, we crossed the state line back into Colorado the day she turned 3 years old. And now she is ten, and her birthday celebration also marked the last days of our being in that house.

Hey, ha, we could pretend I actually got around to doing a "feeding our families" post this month. And I was going to write all about birthday cake. (No, not really.) It was a very good birthday cake, lemon with strawberry layers and lots of whipped cream.

Somehow I thought it was a good idea, in the midst of packing, cleaning, and moving, to make Chessa a doll for her birthday. There was an old doll at the antique shop that she had been quite in love with for some time. I did contemplate getting it for her if it was still there, but getting myself secretly to the antique shop would have been much more challenging than secretly stitching on this doll in the wee early morning hours.

Also, and I know this sounds kinda weird, but I had this doll head stashed away from a few years ago, and I just knew that Chessa was the one meant to love whoever this doll (head) was meant to be.

So with bald doll head already done, I started working on my first ever jointed limb doll, which was also my first ever boy doll. I don't know why I was always so intimidated with making boy dolls, especially with a simple crochet cap for his hair, it was fairly easy and fun.

I wasn't up for making a set of doll clothes though (I mean, I would have liked to, but with the whole moving out of the house thing going on, well I was trying to pretend that I wasn't really all that crazy with my last-minute doll making…) So we had Aunt Nicole get "boughten" doll clothes instead, which does have the slightly strange effect of making him look like a boughten doll, but no, he is not, he is a handmade by mama doll. His name is Billy, he is already smudged and a bit worn and very, very loved.

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Moving was hard. That could probably go without saying, as it is never an easy thing to do. But gosh, could we have added more ways to complicate it? Let's add in a bit of remodeling, new bedroom floors, lots of painting. Oh, and becoming landlords for the first time, showing the house, trying to find ourselves some good tenants - that was all super not fun, but fortunately worked out well in the end.

Jason, amazing husband of mine, worked so, so hard, and did just about every single thing by himself. I recall helping move out my super heavy bulky antique sewing (secretary) desk, but other than that he was the mover. I guess he got all the other big heavy antique furniture pieces out on his own, including the second desk. I do wonder how he moved the chest freezer by himself. Hmm. I was the packer. And I kind of drove Jason crazy with my method, but wow, you would not believe how well organized and labeled those boxes and dresser drawers are. (I will explain later why it was important to have well organized and packed dresser drawers.)

Now we are gone from there, that house. And being gone makes me even more aware of how much trauma we suffered there. Seriously. I know I said I was going to mention it only once, but it is going to take a while to get over it. To heal. We were under attack, for so many years. You know what it was? It was bullying. Ugly, pathetic, bullying by ugly, miserable people. (Don't worry, we feel that the house tenants will be safe from these people.)

Something else that really disturbs me is that when I came out and mentioned the situation we had been dealing with here, so many other people left comments and sent emails that they too are in or have been in similar situations. Lots of bullies out there! Why??? Are those of us who choose to live in a way different than the norm so threatening to others that we must be attacked and made to suffer for our choices? We don't go around criticizing them for their (over-consuming, toxic, ignorant living) ways. But I guess all of us happy people living an authentic meaningful life are just to much for these other people to take.

Oh well.

Time to move on.

~~~~~

We are so, so, so ready to be settling in at the land. But we are actually not quite there yet. We had been asked to house-sit for friends traveling in Europe and so that is where we have been since the beginning of the month. We are glad to be here at our friends home, it is a happy peaceful place, filled with musical instruments, including a piano! which the girls love to play, good books, including Steiner, Waldorf, and homeschool books!, and set in what certainly must be one of the most beautiful spots in the world (we stayed here for them last summer also, you can see here what it looks like right outside their door, although those photos don't show any of the majestic peaks of the continental divide that are surrounding us.) It is kind of funny for us to be house-sitters, and staying in a home other than ours. Us who haven't even been away from home but maybe once in the past decade. It is a nice place to be though, and we enjoy helping care for their gardens and animals, which this year also includes chickens.

It has kept us from doing that settling over at the land though. These kind friends are now closer neighbors, but still it at least a 20 minute drive over to the land. (Perhaps I should start calling it "our home" rather than "the land".) We have been spent some good days there working on the gardens, as that is of course our priority at the moment, and we are looking forward to being there permanently in another week or so.

Maybe I will come here and write/post lots over this next week while I have such convenient internet access. Although that was kind of my plan for our first weeks here and obviously that didn't happen.

Sometimes life does not go as planned. I bet you all already know that.

But life does go on, perhaps the plan is not entirely ours to make, but we can always make the best of it.

I hope you all have been having some good and beauty filled days!

With love,
Renee


P.S. Oh wait! I forgot to say… well there you see my darling newly 10 year old, and no, you sure do not get even a peek of the nearly 14!!! year old… but look at sweet little baby playing with the dollies! And she was doing the softly murmuring to herself thing as she played, and my heart was thrilled!

P.P.S. Yes, she toddles, she walks and she runs, but still she is our "baby".

(Okay, beyond P.S.'s now. I didn't get this posted last week as I had planned. I find it interesting that my last post included our dear wonderful Cairo dog. And now she is not with us anymore. Many sad hearts. But she was almost 18 years and the sweetest and happiest thing to her very last moments. Our Cairo love…)


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moments from midwinter weeks...

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Wide open doors in the middle of February. There was one recent week were it snowed for days in a row, yet melted so quickly that it never left more than a few inches on the ground. Only thin patches of crusty white in the shadiest places. Yesterday was nearly 60 degrees!

We had ourselves a little craft project for valentines day. Did you know that I am not at all crafty? Nope. Just handwork-y. My instincts always have me putting all paper into recycling. If it wasn't for Melanie  I probably would have never given my girls such freedom with paper and scissors during their childhood (thank you Mel) (but oh, all those scraps!)
But I sure did feel clever for this crafty little idea of mine. I do realize that cutting out hearts is nothing original, but I like our seed catalog take on it…


I love this second photo, our adorable little Elsie. I have no idea when the photo was taken or what was going on. (Please just ignore the dirty corner with the dog water bowl and cinnamon (don't ask) sprinkled all over the wall.) She seems to be enjoying herself though.

She also enjoys pulling the blankets up and tuck herself in under the covers. Unless it is actually really bedtime, then half asleep she adamantly kicks them all off.


And now we are weaving. Somehow weaving is something we have never gotten around too (I wove a few small pouches many years ago before having children, but not since then…)
Especially in the autumns I always think we will perhaps begin with some weaving (there are lots of nice mother earth weaving autumn type nature stories) but never has it happened.
And sometimes I have felt bad about that (hmm, not something worth worrying over though) and wondered why.
But now I know why…
Because my 13 year old daughter needed a new handwork activity to inspire her.
She has been stitching with needle and thread since she was kindergarden age, knitting since 1st grade, recently she has been sewing her own clothes on the sewing machine. But she is not always "in the mood" to do those things lately. Often she is, but sometimes she is seeking something different. And so now we have weaving. Hooray. And I feel just right about having waited all these years…


….

st. lucia, and johnny cash, and...

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(Photos are from last year's celebration, it was Chessa's first time to be Lucia…)


Really. Yes. Somehow these two things are related.

A clever little seasonal calendar is only helpful if you have any idea what day it is.

Fortunately, when one day last week I thought to myself, "Hmm, I wonder when St. Lucia day is?" I started counting back to the last day I was sure of (don't worry it was just a few days back, I'm not that lost..) and oh wow, the very next day was St. Lucia day! At least we didn't miss it!

But I did then kind of forget about it for the rest of the day.

And that's how Chloe ended up spending her evening listening to Johnny Cash and baking our Lucia buns.

And that's how I ended up baking a second batch of Lucia buns the next morning at 4am.

Chloe's batch came out a little crisp (not quite burnt!)
She is a very good baker,
but Johnny Cash.
The girls are really loving him lately. Listening to their favorite songs and trying to write down all the words.

(Anyone else have memories of wearing out tapes (cassettes!) using the rewind button to listen to the same songs over and over again?)

Well, so, Chloe was distracted by song lyrics, and the Lucia buns were... (not burnt…)

The 4am batch turned out just right (lucky, since baking at 4am probably has the potential to go not quite right) though not finished until the sky was losing it's darkness.

And I decided to be Lucia. I had a feeling Chloe wasn't feeling up for an early morning rising (true, she told me later) so I layered on some white clothes, put the crown upon my head…

headed out to get the candle and wake the girls…

oh, and there was Elsa, sitting up wide awake in bed!

and probably Elsa then thought something like...

oh, there is mama, with a crown of candles upon her head!

So I scooped baby up into my arms, somehow lit the candle, and went to wake my big girls...

who thought it was very neat to be awakened by their Lucia mama,

and were even more wide eyed over the transformation of the dark crispy buns into a tray of soft and sweet buns…


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first week of advent

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The Festival of Stones. St. Nicholas came. Three oranges this year!

Maybe next year I will remember to re-post my advent calendar tutorial in time.

(If I wait for good light and unblurry pictures then blog posts will never happen.)

Our advent angel shows us how many days until Christmas, but that still leaves lots of asking... "How many days till St. Nicholas comes." "When is St. Lucia's day?" "When is Three Kings Day?"

So our Winter Festival Days Calendar should help with that...


...

this moment ~ one whole year

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Our dear little child of light, our advent baby, our hope and joy and blessing.
One whole wonderful year of life with her.
One blurry photograph, an unfinished falling off birthday crown.
Love from sisters And little handmade gifts of course.
And they dressed you up. (In a dress that doesn't quite fit.) (They kind of do that often...)
A dance with daddy. Lots of smiles and giggles.
You go on little walks around the house with us now. Very wobbly legs.
Super happy girl.
We love you so.


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november gratitude (Steiner on gratitude...)

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(Do you see? We have an apple fairy this year!)

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Rudolph Steiner from "The Child's Changing Consciousness As the Basis of Pedagogical Practice" (Lectures from April, 1923) ...

"All that flows, with devotion and love, from a child's inner being toward whatever comes from the periphery through the parents (or other educators) - and everything expressed outwardly in the child's imitation - will be permeated with a natural mood of gratitude. We only have to act in ways that are worthy of the child's gratitude and it will flow toward us, especially during the first period of life."

"It would be very incorrect to remind children constantly to be thankful for whatever comes from their surroundings.
On the contrary, an atmosphere of gratitude should grow naturally in children through merely witnessing the gratitude that their elders feel as they receive what is freely given by their fellow human beings, and in how they express gratitude.
In this situation, one would also cultivate the habit of feeling grateful by allowing the child to imitate what is done in the surroundings.
If a child says "thank you" very naturally - not in response to the urging of others, but simply by imitation - something has been done which will greatly benefit the child's whole life. 
Out of this an all-embracing gratitude will develop towards the whole world."

"The cultivation of universal gratitude toward the world is of paramount importance.
It does not always need to be in one's consciousness, but may simply live in the background of the feeling life,
so that, at the end of a strenuous day, one can experience gratitude, for example, when entering a beautiful meadow full of flowers. Such a subconscious feeling of gratitude may arise in us whenever we look at nature. It may be felt every morning when the Sun rises, when beholding any of nature's phenomena."

"And if we only act properly in front of the children, a corresponding increase in gratitude will develop within them from all that comes to them from the people living around them, from the way the speak or smile, or the way such people treat them."

"This universal mood of gratitude is the basis for a truly religious attitude; for it is not always recognized that this universal sense of gratitude, provided it takes hold of the whole human being during the first period of life, will engender something even further."

"In human life, love flows into everything if only the proper conditions present themselves for development. The possibility of a more intense experience of love, reaching the physical level, is given only during the second period of life between the change of teeth and puberty."

"But that first tender love,
so deeply embodied in the inner being of the child - without as yet working outward -
this tender blossom will become firmly rooted through the development of gratitude."

"Love, born out of the experience of gratitude during the first period of the child's life, is the love of God. 

One should realize that, just as one has to dig the roots of a plant into the soil in order to receive it's blossom later on, one also has to plant gratitude into the soul of the child, because it is the root of the love of God. 

The love of God will develop out of universal gratitude, as the blossom develops from the root."

"If, during this first period of life, we create an atmosphere of gratitude around children… 

then out of this gratitude toward the world, toward the entire universe, 

and also out of an inner thankfulness for being in this world at all 

(which is something that should ensoul all people), 

the most deep-seated and warmest piety will grow. 

Not the kind that lives on one's lips or in thought only, but piety that will pervade the entire human being, that will be upright, honest, and true."


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Blessings, love, peace and well wishes to all...


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thirteen (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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~ I know that her wishes have been coming true. So grateful for any small part that I am able to play in that. 

~ Surprisingly...

Her smile could get even bigger...  


My eldest is now 13 years old. Sweetheart child. Beautiful young woman.


I liked going back and reading this birthday post. She still has the same hopes and dreams, with new ones added too.


I wish I could express all that is in my heart right now, here I won't even try, to her I did my best.


Love. Love Love Love Love Love Love LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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for love, and just because...

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In our own simple way we celebrated a lovely little valentine's day. It may not seem to be a very significant holiday, but I see it as a time to add a little extra color and cheer (and love of course) to these sometimes dark and often long winter days.

The girls spent many days making many, many valentines, most of them for their dolls. And then, inspired by the so very wonderful Tasha Tudor, we made our very own "Sparrow Post" to receive the various cards, love letters, and tiny handmade gifts.

And it snowed. And snowed and snowed and snowed. For many days of the past weeks. We are finally having a real winter!

So we will continue to embrace the simpleness and loveliness of these winter days...


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