house. home. land.

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And so now I suppose I shall have to go ahead and tell the story, except that I am still kind of unsure of  sharing it. Not all of the parts were happy, and actually this is really only just a speck of the story.

Sometimes it's easier to just not say anything, and in some ways that's what I've done with this blog over the years. Anything you see and read here is truth and real, but that doesn't mean it's everything.

I want to get this part out of the way so that we can move on to more of the good stuff, and also because I think it will allow me to go further here with more of the story, whether happy and beautiful or not. (Thankfully I know there will be a whole lot of goodness, happiness, and beauty. It's always part of it.)

So like I said, pencil and paper. I wrote this last week. I made brief mention of it here. It's my little way of tricking/forcing myself to get something done. Now I have no choice, so I'll just get on with it…


Home is not necessarily in a house. We have done very well at creating a home for our family within the walls of this house. Especially if you consider some of the difficulties and sadnesses that we have had to go through while being here.

Sometimes we joke that we accidentally bought a house. (And sometimes it is so not funny.)

Always, from the beginning, Jason and I barely past 20 years old, we were going to buy "our land". That is a whole story and dream itself, it is part of who we have always been. (Once we were even going to wait to get married until we were on our own land, and have our babies on our own land. That was about 1998, and lasted until about 1999. It's a really good thing we didn't wait!)

So it really was odd that instead of buying land we bought a house on only a ¼ of an acre in a rural mountain subdivision. Oh my gosh, sometimes it is hard to not feel some regret at not having bought the land right then. But we were faced with a move back to Colorado and somewhat overwhelmed with the need to find a home for us, our children, our pets. It kind of seemed like we needed a house. (For us that feels like such a silly thing to say!) So we would stay in the house for a couple or few years and then buy land.

Hmmm... I think I have shown and shared pretty well of the happinesses that we have had here, and I of course have been grateful about a billion times that we have a home, safe shelter, at all… but oh! has this been a hard seven years!!!
(Yes, here we are now seven years into it, not just a few…)
Good, great, beautiful, wonderful years, but also a lot more than that. Also a great big gigantic struggle.

(Okay, this is the one and only time I am going to mention this here, but the worst of it is that there have been very unkind people in our world since moving into this house. And unkind is not even close to the correct word. Really really really really mean, and that too is not even close to an accurate description. But I have never wanted to bring that ugliness here. It is not what we choose for our life, our world. We just unfortunately got accidentally stuck living right next door to it.)

Yuck. Okay. That's over.

(Also I will say, it's not like I have kept this a secret. Those closest to us know the story well, including some of my dearest blog friends. Melanie, Jules, Lisa, Tonya, Jeanene, thank you for your friendship and sharing and understanding and ability to somehow really know me.)


The good part of the story continues…

The land dream, the land dream, the land dream.
It is still not over, someday we will get our "big land", but for now we finally have our own few acres.
Our own little mountain, our own forest, our own giant fir tree.
It is our home, and we are headed there right now…


(Some peeks from last year at the land here, and here, and here…)


Thank you for letting me share our stories with you!!!



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winter lake

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"If it's not snowy then winter's just cold and brown", said an observant nine year old girl recently…

But a winter lake is beautiful in just about every way possible…

The girls wandered through the trees and along the waters' icy shore.

I chased the sun into the aspen grove…

And stood knitting as the light faded…

And we will return soon...


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definite most exciting moment of the week

Our babies do not walk early. Quite content they are, taking their very sweet time with just about everything.

I can't believe I actually managed to photograph her very first all alone steps!!!


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belated 2013 moments...

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My chivalrous husband rescued my ball of yarn as it went tumbling down the mountain!

There was one night last year… into bed early with just the girls, baby nursed to sleep, bedtime story over, and then the quiet talking began…

Two hours of wishes, dreams, hopes for the future.

We talked of  land (the little land we have now and the big land that is still out there somewhere waiting for us), midwifery (a passion that has been slightly replaced by cowgirl dreams at the moment), having a dozen children (or maybe just six), santa claus (does he ever keep bringing gifts to adults?), off-grid living (we don't refer to it as that, but eldest intends to have no electricity in her home (cabin) when she grows up, and those 6-12 children will be using an outhouse…)

We talked about homeschooling (they want me to help waldorf homeschool their children), holidays, family traditions… on Sunday's they will send their own girls over to my (grandma's!) house (it is just along a path through the forest) so I can brush and braid their hair. (Okay!!!)

We talked about 100 or 1000 other things it seems, all that just so warmed my heart and made me sigh with (almost) disbelief at how amazingly awesome and wonderful my girls are!!!

I want to remember that night forever…


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Feeding Our Families

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I sometimes wonder how it is that I don't post much food or kitchen stuff here considering that it is what occupies most of my hours, days, years…

Even when I'm not in the kitchen my mind is still often contemplating the days meals, the baking list, the weeks' menu, the grocery list. 

Good thing all this food stuff makes me happy.

Here above is a collection of almost every food photo I have ever shared on my blog (minus birthdays cakes, and more garden salads). This despite the fact that I have obviously cooked thousands of meals and baked hundreds of loaves of bread in recent years! (Wow!)

I would really like to be sharing more here about that wonderful work we all do of preparing food for the ones we love. So to help motivate myself I decided to invite some special blog friends to join me in a series of posts on feeding our families. At the beginning of each month we will share some of what is on our kitchen hearts, and I very much am looking forward to the conversation and inspiration!

Now I will be honest and tell you that, oh my, this first post just snuck on me! Yeah, you might think I would have had something prepared ahead of time, but no. 

At least I remembered to get the oats soaking last night! Porridge for breakfast. Probably with only butter and honey as I usually cannot get the girls to add any fruit or nuts to their bowls. Unless it's peach season. And sometimes apple. I guess it's really more the dried fruit they are opposed to. 

For dinner there is leftover pinto beans and brown rice, creamy from coconut milk, yummy from the addition of sautéed onion and green peppers. Surprising that the girls liked the coconut milk part. The first night it was served with roasted winter squash, tonight… oh phooey, I just realized I didn't buy the cabbage I meant to get at the market yesterday. Well, so I guess we won't be having roasted cabbage for dinner… 

(Simple and good… Roasted cabbage… I cut a head of cabbage into wedges, sprinkle with a little olive oil or coconut oil, sea salt and pepper, into oven at 400 degrees until it's done to your liking. That's about as good as I can do at recipe sharing for now…)

We actually don't eat rice very often, but beans, plenty, and my family would likely say more than enough. Later this week I have a garbanzo bean dish planned. It's just onion sautéed in lots of olive oil, garbanzo beans (I cook ours in a crockpot) and lots of cilantro. And lots of pepper, which must be freshly ground according to my sister, but we're always out of peppercorns…

Well there, that was almost like sharing two recipe ideas!

Today's baking list is scones in the morning and then the several loaves bread that will last us the next few days. The girls will probably help with the scones. 

Oh, and Jason is feeling like he is up for the challenge of cooking dinner one night a week! It's the time part that will be challenging, as his kitchen skills are really quite great. Last week he made some delicious chili with ground elk. (Oh, and last autumn he hunted elk, his first successful year, and how great it is to have meat put away in the freezer!) (A long way from vegan! But we are still as particular as ever about our food choices!)

See, it looks like I will have no problem at all finding all kinds of food stuff to ramble on about!

Please feel free to share any food thoughts you may have…

and please visit my dear friends who were kind enough to take up this little project with me…

Melanie from Our Ash Grove

Jules from A Little Crafty Nest

Melody from Bespoke

Sarah from Our Island Home

Tonya from Joyful Living

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knitting priorities and taking care of self

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Hello dear friends (and other random nice people who visit me here)… I hope you have all been enjoying these days of christmastime and ending of the year…

And now to the beginning of this happy new year!

I decided a few months ago, as the days began to get colder, that knitting had to be more of a priority. There are all these homestead chores and tasks we do, daily cooking, baking, gardening and producing our own food, clothing our family. Clothing our children! I have always made most of the girls' clothing, even much of my own, (hardly anything for dear husband, but trying/planning to be better at that). And in recent years, being able to add warm knitted woolens to the list of what we are able to make for ourselves, well that has been really great! (I had been knitting for so so many years, but never sweaters. And I have such a love of cardigans you know… (I mean, some of you know…))

So yeah, we live it the mountains, can be cold in any season, baby's pants were not at all long enough anymore, and I needed to do lots more knitting. It was okay to sit down and knit. I wasn't sitting knitting doing nothing, getting things done in the kitchen is not always more important, or at the least could occasionally be considered equally important. It's been going pretty well. (Except for a recent week when a much needed ball of yarn was missing,  but all is well again.) I am almost finished with the first leg of a second pair of pants for Elsa, and I think I am going to make good progress on the next leg too, and I think these pants are going to be very lovely on her…



I was talking on the telephone to a friend a few days ago and she was asking me how I was feeling, physically and emotionally, in a fairly detailed kind of way. A sudden random leg muscle injury has us trying to figure out what might be going on and wanting to make sure that I am as healthy as can be.

So I told her, well yes, I am very emotional, but that is nothing new. I am not at all depressed, not even when I'm sad, not even when I'm an emotional wreck. I'm an exceptionally happy melancholic person really ;)

And we talked about how well I am taking care of myself. And my honest answer ranges somewhere between just fine and not at all.

I told her that I am trying to get extra rest, so I'm making sure I sleep in and stay in bed until 5am. (This is a huge improvement over 4am rising! And don't worry, I go to bed very early…)

And I told her that I am not eating well enough. I am eating good food, but not enough of it, because when there isn't quite enough food then I give more to everyone else and take much less for myself.

And I told her that I have probably been doing too much around the house. Because rather than ask for help, that is sometimes met with grumbling or arguing about who should have to help, then I am just doing it all myself.

And my friend told me that it all sounded very familiar to her. And I'm afraid it may sound familiar to many of you too!

My dear wonderful mother friends, we must take good care of ourselves!

We put our families first, and I cannot say that that is incorrect, it feels absolutely right to me. But, if we are not taking proper care of ourselves then we cannot take proper care of our families.

Following a pregnancy filled with constant nausea and puking, it was really easy to feel great after that! And just go, go, go. And sometimes it seems like that works just fine. But it is obviously not a good long term plan.

So please, take good care, rest well, feed your body good food, feed your soul, your creativity, your imagination. Do all you these things for yourself, not just for your children.

Please. Thank you.
Happy day and happy new year to all!!!
With love, Renee


p.s. linking to one of my wonderful mama blog friends, lovely Ginny.


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first week of advent

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The Festival of Stones. St. Nicholas came. Three oranges this year!

Maybe next year I will remember to re-post my advent calendar tutorial in time.

(If I wait for good light and unblurry pictures then blog posts will never happen.)

Our advent angel shows us how many days until Christmas, but that still leaves lots of asking... "How many days till St. Nicholas comes." "When is St. Lucia's day?" "When is Three Kings Day?"

So our Winter Festival Days Calendar should help with that...


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this moment ~ one whole year

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Our dear little child of light, our advent baby, our hope and joy and blessing.
One whole wonderful year of life with her.
One blurry photograph, an unfinished falling off birthday crown.
Love from sisters And little handmade gifts of course.
And they dressed you up. (In a dress that doesn't quite fit.) (They kind of do that often...)
A dance with daddy. Lots of smiles and giggles.
You go on little walks around the house with us now. Very wobbly legs.
Super happy girl.
We love you so.


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november gratitude (Steiner on gratitude...)

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(Do you see? We have an apple fairy this year!)

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Rudolph Steiner from "The Child's Changing Consciousness As the Basis of Pedagogical Practice" (Lectures from April, 1923) ...

"All that flows, with devotion and love, from a child's inner being toward whatever comes from the periphery through the parents (or other educators) - and everything expressed outwardly in the child's imitation - will be permeated with a natural mood of gratitude. We only have to act in ways that are worthy of the child's gratitude and it will flow toward us, especially during the first period of life."

"It would be very incorrect to remind children constantly to be thankful for whatever comes from their surroundings.
On the contrary, an atmosphere of gratitude should grow naturally in children through merely witnessing the gratitude that their elders feel as they receive what is freely given by their fellow human beings, and in how they express gratitude.
In this situation, one would also cultivate the habit of feeling grateful by allowing the child to imitate what is done in the surroundings.
If a child says "thank you" very naturally - not in response to the urging of others, but simply by imitation - something has been done which will greatly benefit the child's whole life. 
Out of this an all-embracing gratitude will develop towards the whole world."

"The cultivation of universal gratitude toward the world is of paramount importance.
It does not always need to be in one's consciousness, but may simply live in the background of the feeling life,
so that, at the end of a strenuous day, one can experience gratitude, for example, when entering a beautiful meadow full of flowers. Such a subconscious feeling of gratitude may arise in us whenever we look at nature. It may be felt every morning when the Sun rises, when beholding any of nature's phenomena."

"And if we only act properly in front of the children, a corresponding increase in gratitude will develop within them from all that comes to them from the people living around them, from the way the speak or smile, or the way such people treat them."

"This universal mood of gratitude is the basis for a truly religious attitude; for it is not always recognized that this universal sense of gratitude, provided it takes hold of the whole human being during the first period of life, will engender something even further."

"In human life, love flows into everything if only the proper conditions present themselves for development. The possibility of a more intense experience of love, reaching the physical level, is given only during the second period of life between the change of teeth and puberty."

"But that first tender love,
so deeply embodied in the inner being of the child - without as yet working outward -
this tender blossom will become firmly rooted through the development of gratitude."

"Love, born out of the experience of gratitude during the first period of the child's life, is the love of God. 

One should realize that, just as one has to dig the roots of a plant into the soil in order to receive it's blossom later on, one also has to plant gratitude into the soul of the child, because it is the root of the love of God. 

The love of God will develop out of universal gratitude, as the blossom develops from the root."

"If, during this first period of life, we create an atmosphere of gratitude around children… 

then out of this gratitude toward the world, toward the entire universe, 

and also out of an inner thankfulness for being in this world at all 

(which is something that should ensoul all people), 

the most deep-seated and warmest piety will grow. 

Not the kind that lives on one's lips or in thought only, but piety that will pervade the entire human being, that will be upright, honest, and true."


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Blessings, love, peace and well wishes to all...


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